Closer

It's almost here... and I don't think I'm so ready for it. I want my home just like it is forever, but I can't have it my way... sadly I must let go, finally, and succumb to the next stage of life that I have been dreading for a while now, only because I so love the company of my girls... they have been the light of my life and my purpose. Now I must find a new me.

Bring on winter

Okay, so it’s Friday, a good thing I guess. Watchin’ the news this morning as I’m getting ready for work and I hear the weather man saying a “cool” front is coming through this weekend… holy good gosh, it’s gonna dip down to the low 80s, instead of the high 80s. Big difference. Everybody dig out your sweaters! Seriously, there is nothing cool about 80 degrees. Just give me a sweater, a comfy blanket to snuggle under and a good ripper in the fireplace and I’m one happy camper! I think I need to pack my schtuff up and move too…blast!

So here's how it really was...

For a very long time
I blamed everyone else
for you walking out on me
but in all truthfulness
the blame rests totally on you
my ex-good-friend
no one made you do a thing

I was in such denial
not wanting to believe
that there was nothing
I could do to hold on to you
because the cards were on the table
you had made up your mind
the end had come

I thought if I could convince myself
that it was someone else's fault
it wouldn't be your choice
you were being held hostage
at the mercy of some uncontrollable power
and somehow you would break free
from its hold and you would
come running back to me

I wanted it to all be a dream
that I could wake up from
and you would be here still
but it wasn't a dream

Every day I wished for you
with every power inside me
while my empty heart ached
the sadness was overwhelming
while I watched you having fun



I would have given anything
to just hear your voice again
God, the silence was deafening



I suppose the temptation
was more than you could bear
it seemed to make it easy for you
to open the door and walk through it
leaving me standing there
reeling in total disbelief
with all your justifications
still ringing in my ears



You told me that you cared...
you said you loved me so much
just not enough to stick around
for the long haul


Now as new skin grows over my ugly scars
from the cuts you made so deep in me
I finally see the truth for what it is
in my eyes and in my heart

and the truth is...

we protect those we love

we stand beside those we love

we hold on to those we love

we carry those we love in our hearts

with all the strength within us we honor them
..... and nothing less than that


so I guess that says it all


I will always believe that
true love is unconditional
and though conditions have changed
I will always love you
because my love is real
I have tried so hard
to get you out of my heart...

....but you never seem to go

Special moments

My daughter and I sewed on her wedding dress and bridesmaids' dresses again tonight and all I could think about was how short the time is that we have left to do things together like that. We both love crafty and creative things. She is moving so far away after the wedding... I had to stop sewing for a minute and just stared at her and I told her that I was going to miss her soooooo much that I can't even talk about it, and of course, the tears began to flow, as they are right now as I write. She said she was going to miss me too :*( .... maybe she'll move back home after a while... I hope... or maybe I'll have to go there eventually.

I just don't want to live so far away from my girls.