such sadness in the world...

Life is so uncertain, life is so fragile… we just never know. We hang in the balance and every day take our chances as we wander through life. It scares me sometimes.






peace <3

Black Monday

Today was a sad one. Found out a friend at work's son got killed in an ATV accident... he was only 10 years old. Tragic ending to such a young boy's life. I feel for his family and their loss.

The stock market and failing economy...
where is it all going to end up here? are we doomed to fail? the Bible predicted such a time... I am fearful.

Saturday night out

Okay, so here it comes...

the long awaited night on the town with the "girls" is happening tonight. Seriously, though, am I quite sure this is what I want? I want to find a "life", being that everything in mine has been changed quite surely against my will. In all seriousness I doubt that what I really want is going to happen ever again. The one guy I have met whom I could honestly fall for (he's the most gorgeous individual I have ever seen) is not interested. He's too busy chasing down 20 and 30 year old chics...what is it with men and younger women anyway? Do they think they're studs even into their 50s?

Whatever... I'll put on the proper face, pretend to be "fun", and have a good time in spite of myself.



It's 1:10am and I am home for my night out with the ladies. All in all, I'd say it was a very good time. We had a nice dinner at Cheesecake Factory (my usual, Chicken Madeira and for dessert we split a blueberry white chocolate cheesecake slice). K and her friend A were quite interesting to talk to... we got to know each other, compared life notes, and promised to meet up again soon. First meeting under normal circumstances...done.

peace and love to whoever is out there...




<3

Crossroads

Life=evolution. I always seem to be at a crossroads lately trying to decide which road to take. My oldest daughter is getting married and I am happy for her, but I am sad that she wants to move away, 3300 miles away to be exact, immediately following her wedding. I know that the adjustment period would have been considerable even with her just moving out of our house and into her own place, but the thought of her being 3300 miles away from me is almost overwhelming. I hope that I can be a big girl and deal with this without going insane. I have separation anxiety issues when it comes to my kids.

And what's even more breathtaking is that my youngest wants to follow her out there. With a husband that I don't really have anymore because he chooses to live with his ex-wife (yes, I know, it's sordid and disgusting, but it's coming to an end soon, something has to give) that leaves me in a particularly uncomfortable situation right now. Where to go, what to do? There's always my elderly Mother who could use a little financial help to supplement that puny SS check from Uncle S each month (I seriously don't know how she does it)... I could go live with her, but would she oblige and let me stay with her for a while?

So here I am, at a crossroads... I'm not so sure I want to walk up to the painted line just yet... that will mean making decisions, but I think it's probably time.

If my girls move to Colorado and if they stay there, I will definitely make every effort to get myself transplanted there. Hopefully there will be a decent job that I can fill that would adequately support me and my bad habits for a little while...

peace

Opening up and letting it out...

I started this account today to have a place to vent about things. A place to let out everything that I hold inside. We all have things we need to say in moments of desperation that can be shrouded in some form of anonymity... secret things, painful things, happy things, that you would probably rather not have everyone you know be privy to.

So here begins my journey into my psyche... my hopes, fears, loves and hates.