Tis the season... for stressing

It's hard to believe that another year is almost gone. With the passing of Thanksgiving, everyone seems to warp into extreme shopping mode and to me it seems that there is little to be seen of the joy of the season on peoples' faces as they rush around trying to find the perfect gifts for friends and family...some feeling obligated to spend money they don't have making it obligatory giving at best it seems. One thing I have never quite understood about the whole thing is why, given the meaning of the observance, is so much emphasis put on buying gifts for each other? Shouldn't there be something or someone more important on people's minds than the materialistic aspect of it? And to cast an even darker shadow, the economy this year is sure to cause even more stress as everyone tries to please with less.

Maybe what I really don't like about the whole thing is that we are approaching the end of another year and life is speeding past us and there is nothing we can do to slow it down. Seems like the older you get, thoughts of the inevitable become more of a haunting reality than thoughts that were once reserved for the distant future. We rush through life like a raging river, carving our path of memories that will last only as long as we do.

Bah humbug :*(

So, I guess...

...we (meaning Lauren and I) are settling into our new life minus half of us. I see now how all the Mothers do it. They just do, because they have to. And I'll be the first to admit that I wasn't sure I could do it without feeling sad every second of the day. To my surprise, I am holding up quite well thanks to my telephone and emails back and forth. Thankfully, due to our strong will to survive and prosper in this life, there is something inside us that keeps prodding us to move along with our lives and find things to fill the empty spaces that are vacated by those who must leave us. Of course, I use the term "leave us" in a totally respective manner... leaving does not always denote a lack of love... on the contrary, it sometimes encourages us to love even more because absence does make the heart grow fonder. It is rather nice to think of it as having the freedom to live our own life and being able to do so without feeling trapped or guilty about it. I so hate that feeling, so I wouldn't want to impose that feeling on anyone else. There is something to be said for freedom and the ability to make choices that are based on our own personal wants and needs.

So, a random thought...now that my obsession with Dancing With the Stars has ended for this season and my "choice" did not win, Lance and Lacey if you must know (because of their originality), I suppose I will now focus my attention on something a little more pertinant and important... like knitting...nah, just kidding.

On that note, I shall hit the hay, and as they say in the South...

goodnight and sweet dreams

I love the cold...

I think I love it because it gives me a sharper awareness. I have always loved the seasons and the changes in the weather, especially the fall and winter months. It touches my soul in a way that no other time of year does. It just makes me feel good... it awakens my need to experience all the things I love about it... the leaves changing, hot chocolate and fires in the fireplace, the smell is intoxicating....snuggling under blankets... and the crisp chill in the air sparks a much needed energy in me that I crave. I feel so much more alive when it's cold!

Today's thoughts

I'm still feeling the sadness. I called Kristen after lunch today to see where they were and she said they were in the yellow/brown rolling hills of Illinois... that seems so darn far away!! because it is. They spent last night in Nashville, checked out the Grand Ole Opry, which by the way is awesome she said. I had planned on going there with her one day to try and peddle her music/vox but we never made it there together... not yet anyway.

Sooooo... on the cusp of yet another life changing event, I find it surprisingly hard to walk into her bedroom and not immediately feel a strong sense of emptiness and aching... her room is quiet and emptied of all her precious belongings, except for the few things that would not fit in their car and the mover's pod they rented and those that she felt she could now live without. I get that huge lump in my throat, the strong urge to hug her tightly and the tears begin to flow. All the sweet memories locked in my mind of her childhood come rushing to my head and it becomes overwhelming to stay in there. I have to leave and close the door. I know this is only a temporary insanity that I must accept and overcome, but nonetheless it is a real hurdle for me. I MISS HER and her smile, her hugs, her smell, her voice, her presence. I hope it doesn't take me too long to get used to this.

I have my Lauren at home, for a while longer. I don't know what I am going to do when she leaves too.

Life is so strange.

The Day After the Wedding...

The wedding went off without a hitch... it was one of the most beautiful displays of love and affection that I have seen between two people in love. It was my daughter's wedding to her boyfriend of 7 years. She was happy to finally tie the knot with the love of her life and so was he. They had a beach wedding at sunset. The day had been beautiful, cool and breezy. The sun set in a glorious blue/orange display... one of those rare bright orange sunsets that everyone stands in awe of, the kind of sunset that keeps you staring until the very last glimmer of light dips into the horizon.

The bridal party consisted of the bride and groom, maid of honor and best man, and two more sets of bridesmaids/groomsmen. They walked in a procession between drapes of tulle and deep purple hydrangeas through the soft silky sands of Clearwater Beach and to promise themselves in love to each other for life. My daughter was beautiful in her hand made wedding dress that she meticulously spent hours designing and constructing. My adorable son-in-law broke into tears halfway through his vows and that started the tears rolling down everyone's cheeks. It was a beautiful ceremony in a breathtaking setting amongst family and special friends who have shared their lives the most closely. It feels good to know that their union is now set before God and everyone. They are one, they are in love. That is the most that I could have wished for my daughter... that she find true love, and I believe she did. I wish them the absolute best that life can give them and I pray that the love they have today for each other only continues to grow throughout the years as they continue their journey through life together.